Please Don't Be Offended...

...don't ask me to do for you what my employer pays me to do for them.  I taught for nearly seven years, returned to school for a Master's in Human Resources and ever since then, I've been contacted by people who want me to help them with their resumes, give them career advice, or help their friend find a job.  I get it. I'm an HR professional.  I know all about jobs and who doesn't need a job?  The trouble with that is I'm a professional - meaning I expect to be paid for the work that I do and if I do it for you for free, how can I pay my bills?  Feed my family? Sallie Mae doesn't accept smiles in lieu of cash for my student loan payments. If I do all of my friends/associates/former classmates the favor of rewriting their resume for free, when do I get the opportunity to not be at work?  I hope no one is calling their caterer friends and expecting free wedding cakes or their attorney friends expecting free legal work.  There was a point when I felt bad for telling people no, then I felt worse for not getting back to them when they sent me their resumes and I never had time to look at them.  But then, I realized that I shouldn't be the person who felt bad. Sorry folks, but asking someone to take time (and essentially money) to do something for you for free should at least come with the pizza and beer you would offer your friends to help you move or the payment you would remit to a professional you don't know.  I don't want to make anyone feel bad, so I'm providing you with a guide to help determine exactly what to do the next time you need professional help.

I need help doing something but I don't know how to do it.

There are plenty of guides on the internet.  If you are still unsure of your ability to handle your problem, call a professional then pay them

I know someone who is a *insert profession*. Can I ask them for help?

Sure! This is called using your network.  It really helps to know someone in the field of business in which you need assistance.  Once you have made contact with them and they offer to provide services, pay them.

The person I know is not a professional *insert that thing you need them to do* but it would cost me a lot more to hire a professional.  Do I have to pay them, since they're not a professional?

Yes. Unless they offer to volunteer or refuse your money, pay them.

I don't have any money to pay.  Shouldn't the professional do it for me as a favor?

Not unless you ask...and they have the right to say no.  Favors are done at the discretion of the favor giver, not just because you're in need.  Contact a local agency that provides free services if you're unable to pay them.

What about paying it forward?

What about paying for things you need?

Many professionals already do pro bono work (I participate in resume writing and interview workshops for students and people seeking reentry to the workforce after incarceration). Asking them to do free work for you is insulting.  Feel free to disagree if you'd like, just don't be offended when I send you an invoice.

PS: I asked a friend if posting this would be rude and this is what she had to say:

Doctors, lawyers, web design professionals, caterers and many many others would agree.

And people who would ask me to write a resume for free would absolutely ask any of the above for free services as well. They could at least offer to babysit my kids or some shit. Cook me dinner, nigga!

It's like google doesn't exist. Instead of taking the time to pen me a heartfelt email asking for help you have no intention to pay for, spend that time googling 'how to write a resume.'

 

It's like asking a waitress to do the best job she can to serve you, and then not tip her because you know her. It's tacky. 

In short, yes. You should post it. 

You know rich preachers use the same rationale though...

Dates from Hell...and Heaven, too.

In honor of Valentine's Day, I'd like to share with you good people some of the worst dates I've ever had the displeasure of going on.  I don't date a lot because I'm lazy and it takes a lot of effort to beautify myself for someone I'm pretty sure I won't even like...I'm aware of how shitty my attitude is.  This is clearly why I'm single. Or maybe it's because I go out with idiots...like the time I went out with...

The guy who was a complete dick to me 

I got the most disgusting sinus infection while in Miami and was prescribed antibiotics that didn't fucking work.  Before I left, I'd made a date for the following weekend with this guy I met through a friend. I showed up at this fucker's house and waited nearly 30 minutes on him to come outside. I was on the phone so I didn't realize it had taken Jackass that long.  He later claims that he didn't invite me in because I wouldn't let him pick me up...meh...whatever.  I get in his vehicle, he blasts his music, complains that I didn't hug him, takes me to a restaurant 30 miles outside of the city limits and proceeds to treat me like he was doing ME a favor by gracing me with his presence.  I spent the evening drinking tea, ignoring his smart ass mouth, and texting my friends to come get me when he left me alone to go talk to his ex-girlfriend's father for twenty minutes (Special thanks to all the bitches that refused to drive out to the burbs to pick me up).  I even tried to pay my own bill just in case he thought I owed him something (and by something, I mean ass.) As he was driving me back to my car, I took a big ass horse pill with swig of bottled water from my purse.  This dickhead looks at me and says, "Damn, I forgot you was sick.  I wouldn't have been acting like that if I remembered."  Yeah...I hate him.

Date that made up for it: I was exhausted after a field trip to the farm with my kindergarteners so I called my date to reschedule.  He brought me beer and pizza and put together my surround sound.

The guy who thought I was a prostitute

Once upon a time, I used to let men pick me up from home...probably because I lived with my daddy and didn't have a car.  I met a guy who seemed nice enough so when he asked to take me out to dinner, I said ok, gave him my address and waited on him to arrive.  I get in the car and ask where we're going so I could tell someone (I at least had the good sense to make my whereabouts known) and he says it's a surprise.  I was a little skeeved but I was less intelligent in my younger years so I said okay.  As we're driving along, he says, "I need to make a stop first.  Why don't I get us a room and then come back and get you when I'm done?" I was confused as this was my first time being mistaken for a hooker, so I asked him to repeat himself.  Actually, I think I made a horrified face and told him to take me home.  He tried to act as if his request was reasonable. I think I may have started screaming that I wasn't a ho. I made it home without having to provide services for him at the Shamrock Motel on Roosevelt and Cicero.

Date that made up for it: I wanted funnel cake without having to go to a carnival, amusement park, or anywhere else with children.  My date found a place with funnel cake and no children or roller coasters.

The guy who moved way too fast

I once again allowed a guy to pick me up for our first date and when I got in the car, he told me we were stopping by a party, then going out for drinks. We arrive at what looks like an old auto repair shop, walk through the door, and arrive at a party where nearly all of the guests were wearing red and white including the bride and groom because IT WAS A FUCKING WEDDING RECEPTION!! The guy parades me around as I smile psychoticly to keep from screaming profanities and we arrive at a table of old women. The guy grabs my hand as says, "Granny, this is my girlfriend Jennifer." She squeals with delight and says "Oooh!! You got you pretty one!! Sit down and eat." Whoever said all old black women can cook lied because I was forced to eat the most slimiest greens and bland macaroni and cheese that Granny cooked for the wedding all while answering questions about when me and clown ass were getting married.  I excused myself to go to the bathroom, walked right out the door and got on the first bus I saw. I ended up having to call my daddy to pick me up. The psycho called me a million and a half times, showed up at my house, and got chased off by my hoodlum brothers and their hoodlum friends. 

Date that made up for it: He got me Rock the Bells tickets for my birthday...and NOT on the lawn. Our seats were 5 rows from Kid Capri. 

May your Valentine's Day be filled with fun, lust, and lots of butt naked sex in various rooms.