The guy who was a complete dick to me
I got the most disgusting sinus infection while in Miami and was prescribed antibiotics that didn't fucking work. Before I left, I'd made a date for the following weekend with this guy I met through a friend. I showed up at this fucker's house and waited nearly 30 minutes on him to come outside. I was on the phone so I didn't realize it had taken Jackass that long. He later claims that he didn't invite me in because I wouldn't let him pick me up...meh...whatever. I get in his vehicle, he blasts his music, complains that I didn't hug him, takes me to a restaurant 30 miles outside of the city limits and proceeds to treat me like he was doing ME a favor by gracing me with his presence. I spent the evening drinking tea, ignoring his smart ass mouth, and texting my friends to come get me when he left me alone to go talk to his ex-girlfriend's father for twenty minutes (Special thanks to all the bitches that refused to drive out to the burbs to pick me up). I even tried to pay my own bill just in case he thought I owed him something (and by something, I mean ass.) As he was driving me back to my car, I took a big ass horse pill with swig of bottled water from my purse. This dickhead looks at me and says, "Damn, I forgot you was sick. I wouldn't have been acting like that if I remembered." Yeah...I hate him.
Date that made up for it: I was exhausted after a field trip to the farm with my kindergarteners so I called my date to reschedule. He brought me beer and pizza and put together my surround sound.
The guy who thought I was a prostitute
Once upon a time, I used to let men pick me up from home...probably because I lived with my daddy and didn't have a car. I met a guy who seemed nice enough so when he asked to take me out to dinner, I said ok, gave him my address and waited on him to arrive. I get in the car and ask where we're going so I could tell someone (I at least had the good sense to make my whereabouts known) and he says it's a surprise. I was a little skeeved but I was less intelligent in my younger years so I said okay. As we're driving along, he says, "I need to make a stop first. Why don't I get us a room and then come back and get you when I'm done?" I was confused as this was my first time being mistaken for a hooker, so I asked him to repeat himself. Actually, I think I made a horrified face and told him to take me home. He tried to act as if his request was reasonable. I think I may have started screaming that I wasn't a ho. I made it home without having to provide services for him at the Shamrock Motel on Roosevelt and Cicero.
Date that made up for it: I wanted funnel cake without having to go to a carnival, amusement park, or anywhere else with children. My date found a place with funnel cake and no children or roller coasters.
The guy who moved way too fast
I once again allowed a guy to pick me up for our first date and when I got in the car, he told me we were stopping by a party, then going out for drinks. We arrive at what looks like an old auto repair shop, walk through the door, and arrive at a party where nearly all of the guests were wearing red and white including the bride and groom because IT WAS A FUCKING WEDDING RECEPTION!! The guy parades me around as I smile psychoticly to keep from screaming profanities and we arrive at a table of old women. The guy grabs my hand as says, "Granny, this is my girlfriend Jennifer." She squeals with delight and says "Oooh!! You got you pretty one!! Sit down and eat." Whoever said all old black women can cook lied because I was forced to eat the most slimiest greens and bland macaroni and cheese that Granny cooked for the wedding all while answering questions about when me and clown ass were getting married. I excused myself to go to the bathroom, walked right out the door and got on the first bus I saw. I ended up having to call my daddy to pick me up. The psycho called me a million and a half times, showed up at my house, and got chased off by my hoodlum brothers and their hoodlum friends.
Date that made up for it: He got me Rock the Bells tickets for my birthday...and NOT on the lawn. Our seats were 5 rows from Kid Capri.
May your Valentine's Day be filled with fun, lust, and lots of butt naked sex in various rooms.
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