According to my "Why do/are/can't black people..."google search, you have unanswered questions. I was pretty sure that when Barack Obama became president, a lot of these things would be magically cleared up. I was wrong. It seems as though many of you still have pressing concerns and are afraid to ask the black guy at work for fear of being called racist. Fear not, for you are probably not a racist...or you are, but you are so offended by race being mentioned to you when you do or say something racist, you ignore the overly sensitive person who always has to bring race into it. I'm here to help you out. I will answer those burning questions you're too afraid to ask your Black Friend, however, I need answers to my questions about your people.
1) Why do black people love fried chicken?
First of all, WHO DON'T LOVE FRIED CHICKEN?!?!? Why it's still a racial stereotype is beyond me because Colonel Sanders is definitely a white. At some point, fried chicken and watermelon became synonymous with black Americans and began to be used as an insult. It is offensive to us because, usually, making a black people love fried chicken joke is meant to be offensive. I know, I know. It was a joke. Nah, it wasn't. We don't all love fried chicken no more than all Polish people like pierogies.
My question: Why do white people eat so much mayonnaise? Also, why do y'all try to act like Miracle Whip ain't the same damn thing?
2) Why don't black people tip?
Once upon a time, black people were not allowed to eat in the same restaurants as white people. Later on in history, a nationwide chain of diners was sued because of their systematic mistreatment of black customers. For every news story you see about discrimination at restaurants, there are thousands of unreported incidents of shitty service from waitstaff. I took a friend out for dinner in a pretty expensive restaurant and was treated so poorly by my server that the couple at the table next to us took notice and asked if they could do anything to help...good old white folk, here to save the day. After I reported the server's insolence to the manager, the couple backed me up and told him that they too were disgusted by the waiter's behavior (he was fully capable of attending to their dining needs without a problem). The jackass was reprimanded and will more than likely blame me and not his shitty attitude for his troubles. Many of us go into restaurants expecting poor service because we're black. Many servers view a table of black guests as not worth their trouble and refuse to put forth the same effort they'd give a table of white guests. Not all black people don't tip. Not all servers treat black guests poorly. Both sides feel justified in their actions, but one came before the other. If it makes you feel better, white people are bad tippers, too. Pretty sure "Saczynski" isn't a last name that goes with Jamal and Keisha. And look at the rich, white celebrities. What's their excuse?
My question: Why do white people bring their nasty ass dogs to restaurants?
3) Why are black people so loud?
One day, while at work, a woman I later discovered to be a Senior Executive, sat in her office space for the day and proceeded to scream her entire conversations with everyone she called for the entire day WITH HER DOOR WIDE OPEN...a door that could be closed. She was white. Every single day, my coworkers talk loudly about trivial topics, stand next to the cubicles of people who are clearly working and have water cooler talk, and walk through the office continuing conversations with people that are walking away from them. I AM THE ONLY BLACK PERSON IN MY OFFICE!!! Hate to break this to you, white people, but black people are no louder than any other race. If I was behaving in the same manner as my coworkers with another black person, someone would take notice and complain, contributing our volume to our race. Being the minority, anything I do stands out, and preconceived notions about black people begin to apply, no matter how baseless they are. Black men are thugs, black women are welfare queens and unfortunately, in the minds of some, stereotypes will always be attached...so...perhaps, the black person you think is loud isn't actually being any louder than the white person with whom they're speaking. Or, maybe you just should stop ear hustling.
My question: Why do white people take urban (black) slang and run it into the ground? (See: bling)
4) Why can't black people swim?
Once upon a time, many black people could swim and many white people couldn't. The end...but not really. When white people realized how much fun it was, like rap and rock and roll, they misappropriated it...yes, really. Jim Crow laws and segregation created whites only beaches and pools. If you can't get in the water, how can you learn or teach your children to swim? Fast forward 50 years (Yes, we are only 50 years removed from "Whites Only" signs and not removed at all from lingering racial hostilities) and you have generations of black people who can't swim, can't teach their children to swim, and still have no access to water and lessons. Please don't point me in the direction of "programs" that can help; swimming lessons - even when they are free - can be costly to poor families: equipment, transportation to lessons (how many pools are in the hood?), swimwear. It has nothing to do with buoyancy, body type, or any of the other foolish ass reasons I see on the internet. Black women may not like getting our hair wet, but that just means we wouldn't choose swimming as an activity whilst trying to maintain a particular hairstyle, not be the reason many of us are unable to swim. Plain and simple, history is the root of many black people being unable to swim.
My question: Why do white people clap on the 1 and 3, or even worse, EVERY SINGLE COUNT!?!?!
If you're in a good mood, google: "why do black people..." and prepare to be offended. You'll be treated to lovely sites like niggermania.com (I refuse to link that shit on my page) and questions like "Why do black people smell bad." (It's badLY, dumbass) Honestly, I didn't realize that so many ignorant people in this world existed...although, they DO preface their ignorance by saying they have black friends, so it's okay. I decided not to even acknowledge the questions clearly asked by savages who need to return to their country of origin. I won't tell you why you can't say nigga/nigger/niggaz or why all black men want white women or all black women wear weaves. I won't dignify questions that are clearly an attempt to troll. A quick google search will let you know that we are far from being a post-racial society and...that white people ask some really dumb ass questions...
My question: Why do white people clap on the 1 and 3, or even worse, EVERY SINGLE COUNT!?!?!
If you're in a good mood, google: "why do black people..." and prepare to be offended. You'll be treated to lovely sites like niggermania.com (I refuse to link that shit on my page) and questions like "Why do black people smell bad." (It's badLY, dumbass) Honestly, I didn't realize that so many ignorant people in this world existed...although, they DO preface their ignorance by saying they have black friends, so it's okay. I decided not to even acknowledge the questions clearly asked by savages who need to return to their country of origin. I won't tell you why you can't say nigga/nigger/niggaz or why all black men want white women or all black women wear weaves. I won't dignify questions that are clearly an attempt to troll. A quick google search will let you know that we are far from being a post-racial society and...that white people ask some really dumb ass questions...
Unless they want to know why they're so smart and beautiful...
No comments:
Post a Comment