Ten Trifling Facts About Me

My best friend vowed to keep me laced in topics so she sent me a video called 10+ Triflin Facts Abt Me by the hilarious Jouelzy. I am NOT trifling so of course, I was offended...nah...she's right, this topic is absolutely perfect as I am trifling as shit. I have no qualms about it, qualms are for punk ass bitches. Instead, I embrace my trife, try to do better, and hope God forgives me when I inevitably fail.

1) I report posts as spam or inappropriate if I think it's stupid, we go together and too many chicks like it, or I just don't like you. 

DO NOT JUDGE ME!! You're just mad you didn't think of it first. I know I could block or unfollow but no one asked you for your mature, unpetty solution.

2) I intentionally antagonize churchfolk when they start acting all high and mighty about their Jesus and church and salvation and the bible and stuff. 

I grew up a COGIC kid. I know The Lord. I love Him just as much as the next sinner but when churchfolk start acting up, I find it quite amusing to go all atheist on their asses. 

3) I also antagonize my mother-un-law. 

She's a crazy person. She deserves it. My favorite move is to say something I know will set her off then remain eerily calm and logical whilst she screams and rants and whines, then respond to her using my soothing kindergarten teacher voice.  It's pretty awesome.

4) I'm a certified scofflaw. 

My car has been booted more times than I should ever admit. I never pay meters. I park in tow zones. Permit parking? If I live in this city, why should I have to pay to put my car on it's streets. I hid my car in my driveway, parking lots, and valets for two years on the boot list. The Department of Revenue can eat a fat one. 

5) I'm mean to children and animals. 

Pets can't talk and kids don't understand when I'm insulting them. Now you know not to ask me to be your sitter. 

6) If you DO leave your child in my care, I WILL allow them to do whatever they want. 

Fruit snacks and milkshakes for breakfast? Jump off the couch onto a pile of pillows? Write on the walls? Scary movies? Yeah, I'm not saying no to anything they ask. 

7) I used part of my savings to buy new boobs instead of paying off my car a year early.

Just in case you were wondering, my breasts are both silicone and stunning. 

8) I wash my dishes on an as needed basis. 

And by "as needed" I mean my kid is tired of eating her cereal from a cup and with a fork or the stench is so horrendous, I'm worried the smell will seep into my pores every time I walk into the kitchen. 

9) I have taught my child the 5 second rule to which she firmly adheres.

Yes...I let her eat Skittles off the floor so take your damn shoes off when you come into my house.

And finally...

10) I blamed Santa for eating all of my daughter's oatmeal raisin cookies. 

I sneaky ate an entire bag over the course of a week and on Christmas Day, I left the empty package on the table for her to find. Yes. It was premeditated.

I could probably list a million more trife ass things, which makes me both sad and proud at the same time.  I'm pretty comfortable with my imperfections...I try to do better but the petty keeps calling me back.  Question is: Are you comfortable with your trifling ways? Tell me, what is one trifling fact about you?  If you leave a comment, I'll try...um...promise not to judge.