Just in time for the SuperBowl, Vogue published a list of movies to "help" (I’m assuming) women learn about football. Unless you’re interested in the ins and outs
of being an unemployed sports agent struggling to hold on to one client whilst
trying to mack down a single mother he convinced to leave a job with benefits
she REALLY needs since she’s raising a son alone and whatnot, that list won’t
teach you jackshit about football…not enough to impress anyone, at least. You’ll be well versed in fairytale adaptions
of White Savior stories *The Blindside* but your knowledge about the greatest
game on turf will be very limited.
Fortunately, my Sportsbae and I compiled a list of actual football
movies. You’re welcome.
Any Given Sunday
Oliver Stone + football + Al Pacino + Jamie Foxx + LT + LL
Cool J = cinematic perfection
cindasmommy – My name is Willie (Willie Beamen);
I keep the ladies (Creamin’)
curlyfro - EYEBALL SCENE!
Brian’s Song (1971)
The made for TV movie classic about the friendship of Chicago
Bears greats Brian Piccolo and Gale Sayers.
Billy Dee Williams is in it. You will cry...like a lil bitch.
cindasmommy – Gale Sayers: "Oh babe, you won’t
believe it. Brian tried to call me a
nigger."
curlyfro - Cannot type through the tears. Gayle Sayers' locker room speech. MY GAWD.
The Longest Yard (2005)
A remake of the 1974 film starring Burt Reynolds about a pro
QB who leads an inmate football team in a game against prison guards. Adam
Sandler does it again.
cindasmommy – Nelly. Yeah I said it. The mayor of Nellyville.
curlyfro - This movie gave us the phrase "baby back bitch." Never forget
*Honorable mention - Gotta love a remake that includes the star of the original film.
The Replacements
Professional players are on strike. Does that stop football
from happening? HELLS NO! Enter the replacements.
cindasmommy – Fat guy TDs are pure,
unadulterated joy simply because they’re always followed up by a fat guy dance
in the end zone.
curlyfro - "Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory lasts forever." Motivation for that ass!
Rudy
Small guy. Big game.
Who in the hell started cutting an onion?
cindasmommy – “You're
five foot nothin. A hundred and nothin. And you have barely a speck of athletic
ability. And you hung in there with the best college football players in the
land for two years. You're gonna walk outta here with a degree from the
University of Notre Dame. In this life, you don't have to prove nothin' to
nobody but yourself. Am I making myself clear?”
curlyfro - *record scratch* I hate Notre Dame.
The Program
An extremely underrated film that explores a college football program
starring James Caan as coach and Omar Epps as freshman running back, Darnell Jefferson.
cindasmommy - Before Omar Epps became Mike Tomlin, he was Darnell Jefferson
curlyfro - Whenever a receiver has multiple drops, I like to request that they enroll in The Darnell Jefferson School of Ball Protection.
Friday Night Lights
Not the TV drama, the movie. four words: TEXAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL.
cindasmommy - I firmly believe Billy Bob Thornton can take the Bears to the Superbowl
curlyfro - "Y'all wanna win, put Boobie in."
Little Giants
A film about peewee football in Ohio (O-H!) where two brothers coach opposing teams in an effort to get in the state peewee football playoffs.
cindasmommy - In my mind, Ed O'Neill is Al Bundy reliving his glory at Polk High.
curlyfro - Becky O'Shea, Icebox. dopest little lady football player.
Remember the Titans
High school football and integration. Warning: high possibility of thug tears.
cindasmommy - A tale of two halves. Magic happens during halftime locker room speeches
The Waterboy
Bobby Boucher goes from stuttering water boy (high quality H2O, folks) to star linebacker. And lowkey, you can get some football basics in between laughs.
cindasmommy - Kathy Bates is hilarious as Mama Boucher...Fool's ball
curlyfro - "Captain Insano shows no mercy."
